Organization XIII goes camping
by Larxel
Summary: Like the title says. Xemnas has this great idea to better Organization's team spirit. Hints for different pairings. REALLY RANDOM, you have been warned!
1. Chapter 1

Xemnas:

Okay, I don't know why I'm doing this… This was just a random idea me and my cousin had, and I wrote it just for fun… so, uh, enjoy?

X

X

Xemnas: "Thank you all of you for taking part of this meeting"

Axel: "You think it's pleasure for us, huh? Saix said he was gonna kill everyone who refuses to come. We didn't exactly have choice!"

Xemnas: "Shut the hell up! Now, lets get straight to the point… What the heck is that noise?"

Saix: "It is engraving, my Superior"

Xemnas: "What? Who's engraving in the middle of the meeting?"

Saix: "Lexaeus, my Superior"

Xemnas:"Number V, why are you engraving on your chair in our meeting?"

Lexaeus: "I'm writing my name on it so everyone knows that it's mine, sir"

Xemnas: "That's absolutely inappropriate! We all know our places in here!"

Demyx: "Huh? W-we do? How?"

Larxene: "There is your picture behind the back rest"

Demyx: "Really?! I've never seen it before…"

Axel: "Don't listen to her, Dem. She's a lying bitch"

Xemnas: "Hey! I'm running this meeting here! Now all shut up and listen to ME!"

Xigbar: "Sorry I'm late, dudes! Did I miss something important?"

Xemnas: "Yes! You're NOT allowed to come late at meetings!"

Xigbar: "Sure thing, boss. So I can leave right away, right?"

Xemnas: "WRONG! Take your ass back to your place!"

Xigbar: "Chill. There's no need to be rude. Now, where was my place again?"

Demyx: "See! I'm not only one who doesn't know where my place is!"

Axel: "Clearly you are, Dem, 'cause you are sitting in Xigbar's chair"

Demyx: "I am? Ups, sorry, Xiggy. But this was only one that was big enough to me and my sitar…"

Xemnas: "I haven't given you a permission to carry that antic of the weapon with you in our meetings!"

Demyx: "Now that's just plain rude! Luxord has his weapon with him, so why can't I…"

Luxord: "These are not my fighting cards. This is one of my usual packs…"

Xemnas: "Well, both of you put them away and… Luxord, what the hell are you DOING?!"

Luxord: "Since no one was willing to play strip poker with me, I'm playing strip solitaire…"

Xemnas: "That's ridiculous! But your cloak back on this instant!"

Marluxia: "Aww, that's such a shame…"

Axel: "You like watching Luxord without his cloak, Marly? Aren't you afraid of the revenge of jealous Vexy?"

Vexen: "I'm not jealous!"

Roxas: "Hey, everyone! Do you want some Sea Salt Ice Cream?"

Xemnas: "Number XIII! Where have you been?!"

Roxas: "I was here in time! But since the meeting seemed to be delayed I decided to get us all some Sea Sal…"

Xemnas: "Number XIII!! You are not allowed to leave from the meetings before I say we are finished!"

Axel: "Well, can't blame him. You said we're going straight to the point, but it seems that your way to get to the point is as straight as Marluxia is…"

Marluxia: "Hey! There's nothing wrong about being queer!"

Demyx: "Yay! It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in a gay way…! Right, Zexy?"

Zexion: "Pardon me for not taking part to your lovely conversation, but I'm reading this book now…"

Larxene: "Would you shut your mouths now, assholes! Can't you see that I'm trying to sleep here?!"

Xemnas: "You are not allowed to sleep during the meetings! And number IX, but your stupid instrument away! And that book also, number VI! Cards, Luxord! And that ice cream or I'm taking your Key Blade away for a month! AND NOW ALL OF YOU SIT DOWN AND LISTEN TO ME! FIRST ONE WHO DARES TO SAY SOMETHING OFF THE TOPIC GETS SEND TO THE MISSION FOR SIX MONTHS WITHOUT WEAPONS!"

**Silence**

Xemnas: "Now then. I have been noticing some restlessness in you in few past weeks"

Marluxia: "What? We are not restless"

Saix: "YOU TALKED!"

Marluxia: "That wasn't off the topic! Please, that really wasn't off the topic!"

Xemnas: "But that little pocket mirror you have with you is"

Marluxia: "What mirror? I didn't have a mirror. Hey guys, tell him that I didn't have a mirror"

Axel: "You did"

Marluxia: "I didn't ask you. I hate you"

Vexen: "Would Superior just please quickly tell what the reason for this meeting is? I have my experiments running in my lab"

Xemnas: "Well, your 'experiments' will be canceled for a while. You see, we are going for a holiday for a while"

Axel: "Who? You and Saix? What a great idea! Have a good trip; we'll take care of everything"

Larxene: "Just once I agree with redhead. Shepherd is gone for a while and sheep got a change to turn into wolfs… or something like that"

Xigbar: "You're right. Lets go, dudes, and get this party started"

Xemnas: "Everyone back in their places! Yes, I and Saix are going, but you all are coming with us. The Organization is going on a tent trip"

**Dead silence**

Xaldin:"That was a joke, right?"

Axel: "Yeah, you can't be serious"

Larxene: "You can't seriously suppose me to go camping with this bunch of twits. Just living here is bad enough"

Xemnas: "That's exactly the point. Just look at yourselves! What kind of Organization we are, when you're about to kill each others every fifth minute?"

Roxas: "Well, I don't really agree with THAT. I think we're one big family together…"

Xigbar: "Little dude, just because you're supposed to be only one here with a heart doesn't mean that you have to pretend to like everything. Personally I think Superior's idea sucks"

Zexion: "It seems that Organization is once in a history solid. How about everyone who doesn't want to go camping raises his or hers hand now"

Xemnas: "How about that I make Axel burn the whole library down before we leave, number VI?!"

Marluxia: "But c'mon, the result of the voting is NO, 11 to 2, and we all know why Saix didn't raise his hand…"

Xemnas: "This was not question. It was decided long ago, we're going on a trip to better our team spirit!"

Larxene: "Well, this sucks, and that's my last word!"

Demyx: "Hey Superior!... umm, I- when we're at the camping place I can share my tent with Zexy…"

Xemnas: "…Yes. Yes. You probably will, number IX"

Demyx: "I will??"

Xemnas: "…Yes"

Roxas: "Umm… excuse me for asking this silly question… but exactly how many are gonna to share same tent?"

Xemnas: "Well… about 13 persons"

**Silence**

Axel: "We have one tent, right?"

Larxene: "Well, this TOTALLY sucks, and that's my last word"

Xemnas: "Stop complaining! Now go and star the packing. We'll meet at the front yard in two hours"

Marluxia: "Two hours?! I never have enough time for packing! Lux, you have to manipulate more time for me!"

Luxord: "You wanna bet, flower boy?"

**BOOM! **

Xaldin: "Now what – the – hell – was – THAT?"

Zexion: "I think that Vexen experiences decided to finish themselves up spontaneously"

Larxene: "I'm off. Maybe this is just some terrible nightmare and I wake up as soon as I get to my room"

Axel: "Don't bet on it. I guess that the nightmare part of this thing hasn't even started yet"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Saix: "I think they took it pretty well, my Superior"

Xemnas: "What did I do to deserve this kind of Organization to be my subject?"

Saix: "You always got me, my Superior"

**Two hours later:**

Vexen: "Marluxia, what in the hell?! Where you think you're going to squeeze all those suitcases!?"

Marluxia: "It's not my fault that Xemnas couldn't tell us how long this trip is going to last. And decides I didn't know that we're going to leave with only one tiny delivery van!"

Xemnas: "Don't you blame me for everything. I told Naminé to get us a vehicle"

Larxene: "Of course. I'm so going to kill that brat"

Roxas: "Don't you even think about it"

Xemnas: "Number X! You're not going to take that roulette with you!"

Luxord: "Don't be such an ass about it, Super-"

Saix: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Luxord: "I meant that I just didn't want us to get bored in the car…"

Saix: "Well, you better figure out something else to do, you little-"

Luxord: "Fine, fine, relax… Does anyone want to play strip poker?"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Larxene: "Psst, hey redhead. It's not yet too late for you to burn this car's tires"

Axel: "Yeah and then mister Mansex would send me to some desert to do some mission that didn't even exist"

Larxene: "I don't care about that, idiot. I only care to quickly invent some reason to not leave"

**- - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Xaldin: "Great. This peace of crap called a car is already broken and we've not even left the yard"

Demyx: "Aww, well, that's too bad. Anyone got any ideas?"

Lexaeus: "Fix it"

Xigbar: "No way in hell, big dude. Doncha see that this is our escape?"

Zexion: "Superior's going to make as fix it anyway. Wait a little… I think I have a book about car mechanics…"

Demyx: "Zexy is always so wise!"

Vexen: "We don't need any books. We just need some screwdrivers, gasoline, common sense, teamwork and directions to use things under this hood"

Xigbar: "Okay, Zexion, you speak languages. What is this dude rambling about?"

Zexion: "Forget about it, I found the right page. Here, do as it says"

Xigbar: "Shrimp, there's no text in it"

Zexion: "Yes, I'm quite aware of that, Xigbar, thank you. You have to follow this picture"

Xaldin: "We are not picture guys, Zexie. We need someone who understands these"

Xigbar: "Roxas, you like picture books, doncha?"

Roxas: "Why do you guys always threat me like a child?"

Marluxia: "Because you're very lovable, pal. Now what's the problem here?"

Xigbar: "Trying to understand something about this messy pic"

Marluxia: "Why don't you ask Naminé? She's an artist, isn't she?"

Demyx: "Because we're not talking to her. We're mad. She's staying in the castle when we all must go to this trip"

Roxas: "Well, it's not her fault, right? I mean, she said to the Superior that she wanted to come, but he said that this is only for Organization…"

Xaldin: "She said that? Boy, is that girl an actor or what?"

Larxene: "What are you all whispering here?"

Demyx: "Car's broken"

Axel: "Better get it working then. Mansex is that kind of mood that if we don't have a vehicle he'll make us hiking all way to the camping place"

Marluxia: "Some problem with that? It's good for all of you to be in touch with nature"

Larxene: "You be in touch with your frigging nature and go to push your head to bramble"

Axel: "And what is that picture supposed to be? Looks like Mansex lounging on Saix with both of his legs broken…"

Zexion: "It's a car you uncouth fool"

Xigbar: "Yeah, but Axel, y'know, that wasn't bad idea how to spend time on this trip…"

Saix: "Really? And what are you planning to do about it?"

Xigbar: "Aaaaah! Saix! When did you got there?!"

Saix: "Enough time ago to decide who two get the honor of build the tent when we get to the place"

Axel: "Great, just awesome…"

Demyx: "I'm afraid we can't go. The car is not starting"

Saix: "Don't be such a sissy. Every piece of junk starts when you kick it really hard"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Saix: "Now then, we must raffle who's going to drive the car in first day. Everyone, take a tag, and if there's a cross in it, you're a driver"

Marluxia: "Yay!! I won!"

Axel: "Won? Have you finally gone mad? No healthy people want to drive that tin"

Marluxia: "Maybe so, but now I get to choose the CD we play in radio"

Larxene: "Oh, this is just FANTASTIC. We're hardly gonna fit in that thing even if we do sit in each others lap. And now to crown all we have to listen Tomboy CD's over and over with flower boy singing along"

X

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Like it? Hate it? Comment, please!


	2. Chapter 2

**In the car**

Marluxia: "Roses are red and violets are blue, honey is sweet but not as sweet as you… Hey guys, why don't you sing along?"

Xemnas: "…"

Xigbar: "…"

Xaldin: "…"

Vexen: "…"

Lexaeus: "…"

Zexion: "…"

Saix: "…"

Luxord: "Does someone want to play strip poker?"

Larxene: "Will you quit rambling about your eternal strip poker!"

Luxord: "Yeah, eternal… I WISH"

Axel: "I bet this trip is eternal. It would fit to the Superior's image"

Roxas: "Yeah! Like… MISERY… is ETERNAL!"

Saix: "Stop making fun of Xemnas!"

Axel: "Ooooh, you call him by his first name, Saix? You have moved ahead, I see…"

Xigbar: "What really bugs me is that there's pretty surely Naminé's party goin' on in the Castle right now"

Marluxia: "C'mon guys, is this thing really that bad?"

Zexion: "Easy for you to say. You have the whole driver's seat for yourself. You don't have to sit on Lexaeus' lap to get a place…"

Demyx: "Umm, Zexy… I-if you want to… you can come to sit on my lap for a change…"

Zexion: "….Thank you, number IX, but I don't think that I'd have enough room for my knees because of your sitar…"

Axel: "Well, I can come, Dem. Nothing can be worst than where I sit… My knees are so numb I don't even know where they are…"

Larxene: "I surely do, idiot! Your knee is in my butt!"

Axel: "Aaaahrg! Take it away from there!"

Larxene: "You take it, it's your knee! Or do you want me to tear it away from you body? Believe me, I'd be more that happy to…!"

Roxas: "Axel, stop swinging! You're spoiling my ice cream"

Xemnas: "Number XIII, no eating in the car! Throw it away!"

Roxas: "Throw…?"

Xemnas: "Now!"

Zexion: "Oh GOD, not on my book! Why you little…"

Xemnas: "That's enough!! Everyone stop moving and sit still, NOW! First one who moves will run in front of the car for the rest of the trip!"

Axel: "…"

Larxene: "…"

Roxas: "…"

Zexion: "…"

Luxord: "Now does someone want to play strip poker?"

Xemnas: "Fine! We'll all play your frigging strip poker!"

Marluxia: "Yay!"

Saix: "Not you, you're driving!"

Marluxia: "Awww…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Luxord: "Okay, what do you got?"

Zexion: "Very little temper left"

Demyx: "But you have nothing to worry about, Zexy. You never lose 'cause you're so smart"

Zexion: "Yeah, but I don't like how disappointed you look every time I win"

Luxord: "Axel, you lost. Start paying"

Axel: "I hate this game. Luckily I still have my other shoe left"

Roxas: "What happens if someone gets totally naked and still loses?"

Larxene: "Then he's going to run around the next fast food place we see"

Axel: "That's not true! You're making these rules up!"

Luxord: "But that's not very bad idea, Larxy. We could think about that"

Axel: "… I hate you, Larxene"

Larxene: "You're afraid to lose, red head?"

Luxord: "Okay, next round, guys"

Roxas: "Maybe this trip is not that bad after all. Playing these games is plenty of fun actually"

Luxord: "You're wise kid"

Xigbar: "It won't be so funny, little dude, once you're on your boxers only"

**CRASH**

Xemnas: "Marluxia, watch were you're driving! You could've broken the whole car on that rock!"

Marluxia: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's just that I thought about Roxas in his boxers only and I slackened…"

Roxas: "WHAT?"

Axel: "You're into younger men, Marly? Well, this is interesting"

Marluxia: "Of course not. Only for cuties like Roxas"

Demyx: "Can you feel the love tonight…"

Xigbar: "Demyx, ya better stop singing before Vexen blows up for jealously…"

Vexen: "I'm not jealous!"

Luxord: "Hey, less talking and more showing your cards"

- - - - - -

Larxene: "Yes, still not a single one loss for me"

Axel: "Vexen, you lost again"

Demyx: "Yeah, Vexy. And you've already taken your shoes and sock away. What's next?"

Vexen: "……I think I'm taking of my shirt"

Marluxia: "Whoooooooooooooot!!"

Xemnas: "Marluxia, keep your eyes on the road! EYES ON THE ROAD!"

**CRASHH!! **

Larxene: "Well this is just F*CKING perfect!"

Roxas: "Is the car broken?"

Demyx: "Is my sitar broken?"

Marluxia: "I'm sorry guys, it's not my fault! It's just that when I heard Vexen…"

Xemnas: "Yeah, yeah, we know. We better get out and go push. We have to get this car back to the road"

Axel: "Yeah, sure. First we just have to find our limbs again"

Demyx: "What?! Did your limbs snap?"

Zexion: "It's figurative, Demyx. It means that we're so badly intertwined around each other that we don't know which leg and arm is whose"

Axel: "That's right"

Larxene: "Though I wouldn't be surprised if my limbs _were _broken. God, this hurts"

Axel: "Same thing. You can bury me here"

Larxene: "Believe me, if I had enough strength to stand up, I would already be digging a grave for you"

Axel: "Larxene, I hate you. Got it memorized?"

Xemnas: "Okay Organization, lets try to get up here"

Saix: "Marluxia, try to be useful for a change and help us instead just staring there"

Marluxia: "Looks like this trip really helps Organization members to get closer to each other, he he…"

Axel:"Marluxia, I'm killing you as soon as I get away from this mess"

**Moments later:**

Xigbar: "Ahh, fresh air! Freedom! I never want to leave this again!"

Xaldin: "I've always told you that fresh air makes you good"

Xemnas: "Organization, gather in here. It seems that since Marluxia broke our car we have to stay here till we get it to work again"

Axel: "I don't think that kicking will do the trick this time, right Saix?"

Saix: "Shut up"

Xemnas: "Listen to me. We'll start fixing the car tomorrow. Now, this is the work distribution for the evening: Xigbar and Xaldin will build the tent…"

Xigbar:"What, why us?!"

Xemnas:"Xigbar, you because I heard that you made lousy jokes about me and Saix before we left. And Xaldin, you because… I don't like your hairstyle"

Xaldin: "What!"

Zexion: "But Superior, if that's the reason, why doesn't the whole Organization build the tent?"

Marluxia: "That means I don't have to! Everyone loves my hair!"

Demyx: "You like _my _hair, don't you Zexy?"

Zexion: "…"

Xemnas: "Hey, I haven't finished yet! Axel, Larxene and Roxas, you make us a dinner. There are sausages in the trailer"

Roxas: "That's great! I like sausages"

Axel: "No shit, Roxas. Is there any food you don't like?"

Roxas: "Umm… I've never thought about that…"

Larxene: "Why I have to work with these twits?"

Axel: "Because woman's place is in the kitchen"

Larxene: "Take that back!!"

Axel: "No, stop! No electric shocks! _Not the hair_!"

Xemnas: "Zexion, Demyx and Lexaeus, you're going to guard the camping place from the possible troubles"

Lexaeus: "Aye, sir"

Demyx: "No worries, I will protect Zexy with my life!"

Zexion: "Great, now I can rest in peace…"

Vexen: "What do you want us to do, Superior?"

Xemnas: "Help Xigbar and Xaldin to find a good place for tent. Except you Marluxia, you had done enough trouble for a day"

Marluxia: "Ha! I told you that no one can resist my hair"

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Roxas: "It's so cool to grill sausages in the campfire like real hikers"

Larxene: "Real hikers don't usually have sausage packages from the corner store"

Axel: "Okay, stand aside, I'm going to light up these fire woods"

- - - - - - - - -

Demyx: "Zexy…?"

Zexion: "What is it? I thought you were supposed to guard the west side of the camp"

Demyx: "I was but… I just thought that… What if there are monsters?"

Zexion: "Demyx, monsters do not exist. Well, excluding Saix of course. Now go back to your guarding place"

- - - - - - - - - -

Xemnas: "How's it going, Saix?"

Saix: "Everything seems to be quite peaceful, my Superior"

Xemnas: "Saix, we're alone now. You don't have to call me like that"

Saix: "Oh, okay. By the way, thank you for letting me to skip all the work… Xemnas"

Xemnas: "Hold on. I didn't say that you can quit working at all"

Saix: "Really?"

Xemnas: "Yes. First you can give me a kiss"

***kiss* **

Saix: "Xemnas…"

Xemnas: "Mmm?"

Saix: "Why is Larxene beating Axel with a frying pan?"

Xemnas: "What? HEY! Numbers VIII and XII! What is the meaning of this?"

Larxene: "This cretin burned up my antennas!"

Axel: "Ouch! I didn't mean to… ouch! It was an accident! I… ouch… tried to make a campfire!"

Larxene: "Liar! Liar! Take that! And that!"

Axel: "Ouch! Somebody stop this crazy woman!"

Demyx: "Aaaaaaah! Run, run away! Zexy, help me!!"

Zexion: "Now what's this?"

Xemnas: "Number IX, what is the matter?"

Demyx: "Bear! There's a bear!"

Axel: "Idiot! You're supposed to play dead if you see one of those"

Larxene: "…Play?"

Xemnas: "Number IX, we're members of the Organization! You should use your powers against the enemy instead of running away and screaming like a chicken"

Zexion: "Actually, Superior, chicken do not scream, they cluck. And Demyx, please let go off me"

Demyx: "But you're the one who makes me feel safe, Zexy"

Axel: "Yeah. Zexion can stand in front of Demyx and take a bear's hit while Demyx escapes"

Xemnas: "Stop mocking, Axel"

Axel: "Sure, daddy"

Saix: "I warn you, Axel…"

Axel: "Sure, mommy"

***HIT* **

Roxas: "What was that?"

Lexaeus: "I handled the bear, sir"

Larxene: "Great. Now we can eat it. It's gotta be better than these sausages. Some second product again. I bet that Naminé was responsible for buying food for us too"

Roxas: "Well, I like these"

Axel: "You like everything"

Xemnas: "Okay, maybe the first day of our trip wasn't so wonderful it could've been. But tomorrow we're going to fix our car and everything will be better when we get to the camping site"

Zexion: "Amen"


End file.
